How To Identify Real Love
Dating, Love, and the Opposite Sex
You’ve begun to notice the opposite sex—perhaps even one person in particular. New feelings and emotions surge through your body. But just what is it that you are feeling? Is it love—the kind that lasts forever—or something else? And just what should you do about those feelings? Let us now examine some sensible answers to your questions on the subject of romance.
How Do I Know If It’s Real Love?
LOVE—to starry-eyed romantics it is a mysterious visitation that seizes you, a once-in-a-lifetime feeling of sheer ecstasy. Love, they believe, is strictly an affair of the heart, something that cannot be understood, just experienced. Love conquers all and lasts forever . . .
So go the romantic clichés. And no doubt about it, falling in love can be a uniquely beautiful experience. But just what is real love?
Love at First Sight?
Moses met Tracy for the first time at a party. He was immediately attracted to her shapely figure and the way her hair tumbled over her eye when she laughed. Tracy was enchanted by his deep brown eyes and his witty conversation. It seemed like a case of mutual love at first sight!
During the next three weeks, Moses and Tracy were inseparable. Then one night Tracy received a devastating phone call from a former boyfriend. She called Moses for comfort. But Moses, feeling threatened and confused, responded coldly. The love they thought would last forever died that night.
Movies, books, and television shows would have you believe that love at first sight lasts forever. Granted, physical attractiveness is usually what makes two people notice each other in the first place. As one young man put it: “It is hard to ‘see’ a person’s personality.” But what is it that one “loves” when a relationship is but a few hours or days old? Is it not the image that person projects? Really, you don’t know much about that person’s thoughts, hopes, fears, plans, habits, skills, or abilities. You’ve met only the outer shell, not “the secret person of the heart.” (1 Peter 3:4) How enduring could such love be?
Love Versus Infatuation
“Infatuation is blind and it likes to stay that way. It doesn’t like to look at reality,” admits 24-year-old boy. A 16-year-old girl, added, “When you’re infatuated with a person, you think that everything they do is just perfect.”
Infatuation is counterfeit love. It is unrealistic and self-centered. Infatuated persons have a tendency to say: ‘I really feel important when I’m with him. I can’t sleep. I can’t believe how fantastic this is’ or, ‘She really makes me feel good.’ Notice how many times either “I” or “me” is used? A relationship based on selfishness is bound to fail! Note, however, the Bible’s description of true love: “Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury.”—1 Corinthians 13:4, 5.
Since it “does not look for its own interests,” love based on Bible principle is neither self-centered nor selfish. True, a couple may have strong romantic feelings and mutual attraction. But these feelings are balanced by reason and deep respect for the other person. When you are really in love, you care just as much for the other person’s welfare and happiness as you do for your own. You do not let overpowering emotion destroy good judgment. It Takes Time!
True love is therefore not hurt by time. Indeed, often the best way to test out your feelings for someone is to let some time pass. Furthermore, as a young woman observed: “A person just doesn’t hand out to you his personality by simply saying: ‘This is what I am. Now you know all about me.’” No, it also takes time to get to know someone you are interested in.
Time also allows you to examine your romantic interest in the light of the Bible. Remember, love “does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests.” Is your companion eager for the success of your plans—or only for his or her own? Does he or she show respect for your viewpoint, your feelings? Has he or she pressured you to do things that are really ‘indecent’ in order to satisfy selfish passions? Does this person tend to put you down or build you up in front of others? Asking questions like these can help you appraise your feelings more objectively.
Rushing romance invites disaster. “I just fell in love, fast and deep,” explained 20-year-old girl. After a whirlwind romance of two months, she married. But previously concealed faults began to emerge. She began to display some of her insecurity and self-centeredness. Her husband lost his romantic charm and became selfish. After being married for about two years, She one day screamed that her husband was “cheap,” “lazy,” and a “flop” as a husband. The husband responded by striking her in the face with his fist. In tears, she dashed out of their house—and out of their marriage.
Real love does not happen overnight. Nor is the person who would make you a good marriage mate necessarily someone you find overwhelmingly attractive. One girl, for example, met a young man whom she admits she was not overly attracted to—at first. “But as I got to know him better,” She recalls, “things changed. I saw his concern for other people and how he always put the interests of others before himself. These were the qualities I knew would make a good husband. I was drawn to him and began to love him.” A solid marriage resulted.
So how can you know true love? Your heart may speak, but trust your Bible-trained mind. Get to know more than the person’s external “image.” Give the relationship time to blossom. Remember, infatuation reaches a fever pitch in a short time but then fades. Genuine love grows stronger with time and becomes “a perfect bond of union.”—Colossians 3:14.
Respond to the questions below in the comment·
You’ve begun to notice the opposite sex—perhaps even one person in particular. New feelings and emotions surge through your body. But just what is it that you are feeling? Is it love—the kind that lasts forever—or something else? And just what should you do about those feelings? Let us now examine some sensible answers to your questions on the subject of romance.
How Do I Know If It’s Real Love?
LOVE—to starry-eyed romantics it is a mysterious visitation that seizes you, a once-in-a-lifetime feeling of sheer ecstasy. Love, they believe, is strictly an affair of the heart, something that cannot be understood, just experienced. Love conquers all and lasts forever . . .
So go the romantic clichés. And no doubt about it, falling in love can be a uniquely beautiful experience. But just what is real love?
Love at First Sight?
During the next three weeks, Moses and Tracy were inseparable. Then one night Tracy received a devastating phone call from a former boyfriend. She called Moses for comfort. But Moses, feeling threatened and confused, responded coldly. The love they thought would last forever died that night.
Movies, books, and television shows would have you believe that love at first sight lasts forever. Granted, physical attractiveness is usually what makes two people notice each other in the first place. As one young man put it: “It is hard to ‘see’ a person’s personality.” But what is it that one “loves” when a relationship is but a few hours or days old? Is it not the image that person projects? Really, you don’t know much about that person’s thoughts, hopes, fears, plans, habits, skills, or abilities. You’ve met only the outer shell, not “the secret person of the heart.” (1 Peter 3:4) How enduring could such love be?
Love Versus Infatuation
Infatuation is counterfeit love. It is unrealistic and self-centered. Infatuated persons have a tendency to say: ‘I really feel important when I’m with him. I can’t sleep. I can’t believe how fantastic this is’ or, ‘She really makes me feel good.’ Notice how many times either “I” or “me” is used? A relationship based on selfishness is bound to fail! Note, however, the Bible’s description of true love: “Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury.”—1 Corinthians 13:4, 5.
Since it “does not look for its own interests,” love based on Bible principle is neither self-centered nor selfish. True, a couple may have strong romantic feelings and mutual attraction. But these feelings are balanced by reason and deep respect for the other person. When you are really in love, you care just as much for the other person’s welfare and happiness as you do for your own. You do not let overpowering emotion destroy good judgment. It Takes Time!
True love is therefore not hurt by time. Indeed, often the best way to test out your feelings for someone is to let some time pass. Furthermore, as a young woman observed: “A person just doesn’t hand out to you his personality by simply saying: ‘This is what I am. Now you know all about me.’” No, it also takes time to get to know someone you are interested in.
Time also allows you to examine your romantic interest in the light of the Bible. Remember, love “does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests.” Is your companion eager for the success of your plans—or only for his or her own? Does he or she show respect for your viewpoint, your feelings? Has he or she pressured you to do things that are really ‘indecent’ in order to satisfy selfish passions? Does this person tend to put you down or build you up in front of others? Asking questions like these can help you appraise your feelings more objectively.
Rushing romance invites disaster. “I just fell in love, fast and deep,” explained 20-year-old girl. After a whirlwind romance of two months, she married. But previously concealed faults began to emerge. She began to display some of her insecurity and self-centeredness. Her husband lost his romantic charm and became selfish. After being married for about two years, She one day screamed that her husband was “cheap,” “lazy,” and a “flop” as a husband. The husband responded by striking her in the face with his fist. In tears, she dashed out of their house—and out of their marriage.
Real love does not happen overnight. Nor is the person who would make you a good marriage mate necessarily someone you find overwhelmingly attractive. One girl, for example, met a young man whom she admits she was not overly attracted to—at first. “But as I got to know him better,” She recalls, “things changed. I saw his concern for other people and how he always put the interests of others before himself. These were the qualities I knew would make a good husband. I was drawn to him and began to love him.” A solid marriage resulted.
So how can you know true love? Your heart may speak, but trust your Bible-trained mind. Get to know more than the person’s external “image.” Give the relationship time to blossom. Remember, infatuation reaches a fever pitch in a short time but then fades. Genuine love grows stronger with time and becomes “a perfect bond of union.”—Colossians 3:14.
Respond to the questions below in the comment·
. What is the danger of falling in love with someone’s looks?
. Can your heart be trusted to recognize real love?
. What are some differences between love and infatuation?
. Why do dating couples often split up? Is this always wrong?
. How can you deal with feelings of rejection if a romance has been terminated?
. Why is it important to take time to get to know each other?
posted by Emmanuel at 5:47 AM
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